Eyeopener - Shaq Retires, South Florida Buffets Quiver In Fear

A LOT happened yesterday in the world of sports so today's Eyeopener might be long enough, and boring enough, to be today's Eyecloser as well.  Let's get to it.

-Shaquille O'Neal, perhaps the most dominant force in basketball history on and off the court, has hung up his gigantic sneakers after 19 NBA seasons.  O'Neal's name will be all over the record book for years to come: 28,596 points (5th all-time), 13 seasons with at least 20 ppg and 10 rpg (most ever), grabbed 13,099 rebounds (13th all-time), won four NBA Championships, three NBA Finals MVP, one NBA MVP, 15 All-Star game appearances, won two scoring titles, was a three time All-Star game MVP, and made eight All-NBA first team.  That, coupled with the fact he moved like a 7'2" ballerina who broke backboards, makes him arguably the best center ever to play.

-With the news of Shaq's retirement came news that the Lakers will retire his number 34. 

-The NHL finals got off to an incredible start last night.  The Vancouver Canucks defeated the Boston Bruins 1-0 on a Raffi Torres goal with 18.5 seconds left.  The game was an extremely physical with monster checks and a lot of scrums after the whistle.  Boston outplayed Vancouver (watch the video) leading me to believe one of two things.  The first is the series is much more even than people predicted or Boston shot its load last night and is looking at running into a Canucks buzzsaw.

-The other big piece of news out of last night's game was Vancouver's Alex Burrow's apparent bite of Boston Patrice Bergeron's finger at the end of the first period.  The pair got into it along the end boards as the horn sounded and, as the official stepped between the two, Bergeron's finger appeared to go into Burrow's mouth which he then bit.  There is precedence of suspending a player if it is deemed he did actually bite Bergeron's finger so we'll have to wait on word from Toronto on what is league's next step.

-Terrelle Pryor's mother apparently bought his new-for-him-used-to-everyone-else 2007 Nissan 350Z but that doesn't change the fact the state of Ohio says he can't legally drive.

-Ricky Rubio is coming to America to look for his princess with Arsenio Hall play basketball with Kevin Love after two years of back and forth negotiations that left many believing Rubio and his eyebrows did not want to play hoops in Minnesota.  The timing is interesting because of Rubio having a very poor season in the Euroleague, averaging just 6.5 points, 3.2 boards, 3.5 assists, 1.6 steals, and shooting a lousy 39.2% from inside the arc and an atrocious 22.4% from deep.

-Apparently Lance Armstrong's doping test from the 2001 Tour de Suisse was deemed "suspicious" by the lab chief in the land of clocks and anonymous bank accounts. The lab director, Martial Saugy, went on to say the test results were "consistent with EPO use".  If true, it is one more piece of evidence mounting against Lance Armstrong's claim of riding clean.

-Dice-K is having Tommy John surgery, adding to a list of reasons of why he is not worth the $103 million the Red Sox paid to acquire him four years ago.  The Red Sox also were swept at then hands of the Other Sox yesterday 7-4 at Fenway.

-The Rockies were abysmal last month.  This month they're playing 1.000% ball and Ubaldo hasn't dropped a decision!

-Can someone help out the Phillies starters with some runs?  The Phils dropped a 2-1 decision to John "Lannen" which featured Laynce Nix doing it all from hitting go-ahead home runs to Superman-ing for a slicer in the gap to save two or three runs.

-Nick Swisher, someone whose existence bothers me to no end, hit a three run jack last night to put the Yankees up 4-2 and seal a sweep of the Oakland A's.  The good news for us Empire haters?  MLB is investigating A-Douche for contact with Yuri Sucart his cousin who is banned from contact with the Yankees by the team and MLB for being a drug runner and the man behind providing Rodriguez with PED.