Minnesota Manages To Lose Lottery, Hints It Is Rigged

The Cleveland Cavaliers caught a break, a little less than a year LeBron left the team and the city he spent his entire pro career in.  On Tuesday night in Secaucus, NJ the Cavaliers took the 2.8% chance of winning the number one pick (via the LA Clippers) and made the most of it.  With Dan Gilbert's 14 year old son Nick, who suffers from Neurofibromatosis (NF), a nerve disorder that causes tumors to grow anywhere in the body at any time, representing the struggling franchise the Cavs took the number one and number four picks in this years draft.  With victory comes defeat and the face of defeat was the Minnesota Timberwolves, a team who wore that face 65 times this past season.  Despite their 1 in 4 odds, the TWolves wound up with the number two pick in the draft prompting Minnesota GM David Kahn to say, "This league has a habit, and I am just going to say habit, of producing some pretty incredible story lines," Kahn said. "Last year it was Abe Pollin's widow and this year it was a 14-year-old boy and the only thing we have in common is we have both been bar mitzvahed. We were done. I told Kevin: 'We're toast.' This is not happening for us and I was right."

David Stern's ninjas are currently stalking Kahn and his family.

Player Wives

Come on down Lisa Podsednik! Look Scott, you've had a pretty good run: 70 steals in a season, 100 runs, a walk off HR in a World Series game, a World Series ring, and getting released by the Blue Jays. All these are pretty impressive accomplishments. Just do the right thing and hang up the spikes and spend whatever time you have left with your bombshell of a wife before she leaves you for Bryce Harper.

Eyeopener - The Night Of The Pitching Implosions

Sorry about the delay today, guys. Work got in the way today so sitting and typing wasn’t an option. Expect a fast and furious pace of posts today. Without further adieu, The Eyeopner!

-Harmon Killebrew, the Hall of Fame masher who hit 573 home runs in his 22 year career, has passed away at the age of 74 in Scottsdale, Arizona.

-Vin Mazzaro is now the answer to a sports trivia question. The Royals reliever got tagged for 14 runs in 2 1/3 IP in a 19-1 laugher against the Indians. Mazzaro’s 14 runs were all earned giving him an ERA of 22.74. The glorious part of it all? Royals starter Kyle Davies as given the loss after getting through 1/3 of an inning and two earned runs. Fantastic.

-Hear that? That is the sound of the panic alarm being sounded all throughout the Bronx as the Rays beat the Empire 6-5. The men in pinstripes were up 5-1 headed to the bottom half of the sixth before AJ Burnett did his ritual meltdown, allowing five runs. The Yankees have now dropped 10 out of their last 13.

-Albert Pujols took the hot corner and the Cardinals snapped a cold streak as St. Louis took down Philly 3-1. Cliff Lee issued a career high six walks and fell to 2-4 despite a 3.84 ERA.

-If it weren’t for Jose Bautista, Adrian Gonzalez would be the hottest hitter in the AL. The Red Sox stormed back against the Baltimore Orioles and their bullpen to take an 8-7 decision in Boston, moving the Sox over .500 for the first time all year. According to ESPN, “In the last 10 games -- in Toronto, New York and Boston -- Gonzalez is hitting .348 with seven homers and 16 RBIs in 46 at bats. He hit three homers to left field against the Blue Jays and leads the majors with 37 RBIs.” Not bad.

-The Marlins relied on a borrowed bat and a borrowed helmet to win. Burke Badenhop (yeah, we had to tab back to the game recap three times to spell it right) delivered a two out RBI single in the 11^th to give the Marlins a 2-1 win over the injury riddled Mets. Skipper Edwin Rodriguez let him hit instead of lifting him for a pinch hitter with only Leo Nunez being the last available arm in the bullpen. The Yankees are rumored to now be seeing if Badenhop is available via trade to fill in the DH spot.

-The NHL and NBA both took the night off last night in honor of Arnold Schwarzenegger and his love child finally being revealed. Vegas odds makers are stunned for Bill Clinton was the clear political favorite to have a love child at 7-5 odds.