Wednesday, June 1, 2011

ESPN Got All Confusing On Us


This was the front page of ESPN Mobile's website the other day. There a lot of Zs, double consonants, and names we generally would not be able to pronounce.

Foul Ball > Daughter


Here is a gem of a video a reader sent into us.  Apparently catching a foul ball at a baseball game is more than not dropping your daughter.  You know in ten years she'll be sleeping with every guy in school, doing lines of blow at work, and be a walking Petri dish of disease ALL BECAUSE YOU DROPPED ME DADDY!  I FUCKING HATE YOU!

As The Crow Flies: The NHL's New Look Southeast Division

With the Atlanta Thrashers moving to Winnipeg for this coming season, the divisions will almost certainly realign... in 2012/13. That leaves the new the franchise to continue, at least for one season, to play in the Southeast Division, creating some interesting road trips.  For your humor we mapped out, as the crow flies (ie: a straight line) between the Thrashers new home in Winnipeg, the MTS Centre, and the other arenas in the Southeast.  Enjoy!

From the MTS Centre to the RBC Center in Raleigh, NC - Carolina Hurricanes

Total Distance: 1342.931

From the MTS Centre to the BankAtlantic Center in Sunrise, FL - Florida Panthers

Total Distance: 1870.327

From the MTS Centre to the St. Pete Times Forum in Tampa, FL - Tampa Bay Lightning

Total Distance: 1703.960

From the MTS Centre to the Verizon Center in Washington, DC - Washington Capitals

Total Distance: 1245.319

I Think I Hit A Gremlin

While driving home from work the other day on the Garden State Parkway I heard a loud thwap.  I looked up in time to see the blood trail work its way up my windshield.  I'm not fully sure what I hit but my guess right now is leaning towards a gremlin.  That is a lot of blood and the streak was about six inches from top to bottom.  The creepiest part was that hitting the wipers with windshield wiper fluid did nothing, not even smear it.  Nature is a fucked up thing.



Quote Of The Day

For today's quote we turn to Lawrence Taylor: snorter of cocaine, breaker of legs (see below), and solicitor of prostitutes.  When asked about his recent arrest for picking up an underage prostitute in New York, Lawrence stated, "I don't card them."  Fantastic.

Player Wives (NSFW)


Come on down, Laura Cover!

Aaron fucking Boone, you've had quite a life. You played for both the Yanks and Sox, hit a minor home run in some game 7, and have a sex piece of a wife who is a former Playmate (link is NSFW). She is unbelievable. Imagine her polishing your Pesky Pole on a nightly basis?

Eyeopener - Adieu, Thrashers!



-The Heat are going to win the NBA championship and Dan Gilbert is going end up eating his own words.  It has nothing to do with Miami's 92-84 win last night in game one of the NBA Finals.  It has nothing to do with the fact Dirk tore a tendon in his non-shooting hand.  Why I am crowning Miami's ass already is that Dallas has no one who knows how to get to the mountain top.  Many of their key guys have been to Finals (Kidd, Dirk, etc.) but none have ever won the title like DWade has.  Now, you may be saying, "Neither has LeBron or Bosh," and you'd be right.  And while I can't defend Bosh here, we can't forget how much LeBron carried Cleveland for years.  He knows how to win, whether we want him to or not.

-The Atlanta Thrashers are headed north to Winnipeg , Manitoba.  That's in Canada for the geographically challenged.  The city and people of Atlanta could not care less while the people of the north could not be more ecstatic.  Take a look at the two screen shots from this morning.  The top one is from the Atlanta Journal-Constitution's website, Atlanta's biggest newspaper.  The other is from the Winnipeg Free Press's website, Winnipeg's go-to birdcage liner.  Click the pictures to make them larger, if you must.  See a difference?

-Terrell Pryor's hot wheels are now where the NCAA is doing most of it's lookin'.  I have a feeling shit is going to get really messy.  I just hope Tressel's hair doesn't move.

-Cliff Lee fell to 4-5 with a pedestrian 3.94 ERA following a 10-2 loss to the Nationals in which Danny Espinosa took the Arkansas native yard twice.

-Go fuck yourself, Rockies.

-Poor RA Dickey.  The guy was magnificent, his knuckleball dancing in the wind, making batters look silly.  Then the eight inning came about and he lost it.  With two out in the frame, Dickey let three runs plate turning a 1-0 lead into a 3-1 hole.  The Mets would go on to lose 5-1.

-Curtis Granderson has to be on the juice.  There is NO other explanation.  Granderson knocked in four RBI, including a two run shot in the first, as the Empire romped the A's, 10-3.

-Gary Carter, one of the good guys in all of sport, was diagnosed with glioblastoma, inoperable malignant brain tumors.  Doctors are starting on the former Expo/Met/Giant/Dodger on a regiment of aggressive chemo and radiation therapy.  Good luck, Gary.

-With both the World Cup and the Summer Olympics (and hopefully the 2022 Winter Games!) creeping up on them, Brazil is looking to expand three of its biggest airports to accommodate the rush of people that will be flooding their country.  How easy is security at a Brazilian airport?  Doesn't everyone just where thongs and bikinis?  Is there anywhere to even hide a weapon?

-We'll start caring about the French Open shortly, once it's almost over.  Until then here are more adequate commentators on the sport previewing the Soderling/Nadal and Federer/Djokovic semis.

A Little Midweek Stimulation

Rise and grind, motherfuckers.

It's that day again, the one where we're standing in the middle of the proverbial forest, no longer entering or exiting.  The saving grace is that for many of us, Monday was a day off.  No matter.  Tradition is tradition.  If the beginning of the song doesn't wake your ass up, nothing will.  Lessssgoooo.