-Joakim Noah thinks you’re a (insert sexual slur here). He also can’t guard Chris Bosh as the third wheel in Miami love duo made Noah look like the famous Yi workout chair. Bosh went off scoring 34 points in Miami's 96-85 win in Miami. For shits and giggles, here is Will Smith.
-Vancouver scored three straight 5 on 3 goals last night to beat San Jose, taking a 3-1 series lead in the process. San Jose is once again edging closer to another season of being the bridesmaid in the Western Conference but more importantly, that much closer to receiving the That Guy! consolation prize on their way out.
-Scumbag Giovanni Ramirez was caught yesterday in a police raid on his Los Angeles apartment. Ramirez is the primary suspect in the beating of Giants fan Bryan Stow who remains in the hospital. Rumors are swirling that Ramirez is a member of the one of the street gangs that claim his Los Angeles neighborhood of Rampart as part of their territory. Two other suspects remain at large.
-More people keep piling on Lance Armstrong and Lance is getting pissed.
-Vancouver scored three straight 5 on 3 goals last night to beat San Jose, taking a 3-1 series lead in the process. San Jose is once again edging closer to another season of being the bridesmaid in the Western Conference but more importantly, that much closer to receiving the That Guy! consolation prize on their way out.
-Scumbag Giovanni Ramirez was caught yesterday in a police raid on his Los Angeles apartment. Ramirez is the primary suspect in the beating of Giants fan Bryan Stow who remains in the hospital. Rumors are swirling that Ramirez is a member of the one of the street gangs that claim his Los Angeles neighborhood of Rampart as part of their territory. Two other suspects remain at large.
-More people keep piling on Lance Armstrong and Lance is getting pissed.
-The Phils are about to get a sudden surge of offense in their lineup as Chase Utley returns today to make his season debut. The Phillies have been atrocious offensively, including dropping a 2-0 decision to Texas after mustering just five hits. However thanks to their plethora of arms, they remain atop the NL East.
-David Price sat on my fantasy bench yesterday after I forgot to set my line up. He then dealt a three hit, complete game gem replete with 13 Ks as Tampa Bay beat Florida 4-0. I will now slam my dick in a door.
-Hey, you know who else sat on my bench? Alexei Ramirez, who went 4-5 with a homer, five RBIs, and scored two runs as the Sox of Chicago beat the Dodgers 8-3. I will now slam both nuts in a door.
-The luckiest man on earth right now is Ivan Nova who put a lot of traffic on and only gave up three runs. Then the 7th inning rolled up and the Yankees went ham on the Mets, throwing up a snowman to take 2 of 3 from their cross-river rivals in a 9-3 win.
-This is the face of "multiple facial fractures".
Cubs center fielder Marlon Byrd is on the 15 day DL after taking a heater to the cheek in Saturday night's win over the BoSox. The Red Sox would turn around and take last night's contest 5-1 on the strength of Adrian Gonzalez's bat and Tim Wakefields knuckler. Adrian did not sit on my fantasy bench last night.
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