This Is The Face Of All That Will Haunt Me

Inglorious Basterds, Tarantino's World War II epic(?) features a scene in which a cinema full of Nazis is burnt to the ground, the mocking face of a Jewish girl who survived her family's massacre laughing as they roast to death. (Pro Tip: For the juiciest, most flavorful Nazi roasts, cook at a low heat, turning every fifteen minutes.) That face represented death.

As a Rockies fan, the face below has come to represent everything scary and horrible in the world of baseball.

That is the face of Felipe Paulino, the world's greatest batting practice pitcher and a disgrace to my high school basketball number. Last night he jogged out to the mound in the bottom of the 14th, three out standing between the Rockies and victory. Paulino recorded one out, walked Ryan Braun, and then served a fastball to Prince Fielder that is currently in low earth orbit and threatening the space shuttle Endeavor, to lose again. Now that isn't the whole picture. The Rockies coughed up six leads over 14 innings, and the offense without Carlos Gonzalez or Todd Helton in the line up produced enough runs to win in another sign the offense is getting back to where it was. But the fact remains that Felipe Paulino is a disgrace to the black and purple of the Rockies. With Franklin Morales traded to Boston the day before, Paulino was the sole focus of distress and distrust for Rockies fans. And on Friday night, he did not disappoint. Since May 1, the start of the month which has seen Colorado flounder to a 6-12 record, Paulino is 0-4 with one blown save, including drawing three loses in three straight appearances in one week, two of them to division rival San Francisco. On the year, his numbers are a conglomeration of crooked numbers: four loses, 23 hits and 12 earned runs in 14.1 IPs, sevens walks to 14 Ks, an ERA of 7.36, and a WHIP of 2.05. Wow.

So as Prince's walk off home run sailed in the night in Milwaukee and Paulino trudged off the mound a loser for the fourth time, anyone who knows the Rockies had one thought, "That is the last pitch he will ever throw as a Rockie."

Let's hope we're right.