-Darth James scored nine points over the last 4:27 to give Miami the win and take home-court advantage away from DRose and Da Bulls. The 85-75 win showed the Heat can take a punch and keep coming after getting coldcocked in game one. Besides BronBron and Dwyane Wade stepping up, Miami got some help from Udonis Haslem as he scored 13 points prompting Heat ringleader Erik Spoelstra to praise Haslem as, "an absolute championship warrior." Whatever the fuck that is.
-Hockey sometimes puts up a fun football score and we're not talking about a Miami/Pittsburgh 3-0 pillow fight. The Vancouver Canucks hung a touchdown with the point after good (suck on that, Graham Gano.) on the Sharks who mustered a Marty Schottenheimer pleasing field goal to win 7-3. The highlight of the game go came as Ben Eager was greeted in the penalty box by a "eager" (sorry, sorry) fan.
-The St. Louis Cardinals beat the Houston Astros 5-1 last night but not before losing Matt Holliday and Lance Berkman to slight discomforts in their quadriceps and steroid injection areas respectively . I'm sure they're okay.-Fucking Rockies lose 2-1 to the Phillies after a past ball and wild pitch move the only two runs into or further into scoring position. Fuck.
-Boston beat the Tigers 1-0 in what must have been a painting-drying-boring game. The bigger news out of Boston is that Dice-K is out a month or more (we're going to say more.) with, "a sprained ulnar collateral ligament and strained flexor, an injury that when severe enough often results in Tommy John tendon transfer surgery." Have fun with that.
-THE NEW YORK YANKEES ARE GOING TO WIN THE FUCKING WORLD SERIES AFTER A DOMINATING 4-1 WIN IN BALTIMORE (that took 15 innings)! From now on I'm writing every Yankee blurb in the Eyeopener in typical New York City hyperbole, a phenom that everyone else hates and New Yorkers don't seem to realize. (Hint: it's why 99% of the world hates native New Yorkers.)
-Jamie McCourt is demanding the LA Dodgers are sold pronto.
-Speaking of the Dodgers, the Giants were back in town since the horrific beating of Bryan Stow. The guys from the Bay Area won 8-5 but the bigger victory belongs to Stow who is making slow but steady progress in his recovery. Fucking right on.
-Kareem Abdul-Jabbar wants a statue, and he wants it NOW. The former Lakers star says he feels "slighted" for not having his own personal shrine. If built, the statue will have to be cordoned off so no can touch it for it would immediately begin to complain to anyone nearby he was fouled.
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