Rugby Storms Japan, Godzilla Drafted First

We kid about the headline.  The news itself however is no joke and could be a huge boon for a sport that features some of the most passionate fans in the world.  Emma Stoney over at the Old Grey Lady writes on how rugby is turning a lustful eye to the booming Asian market in an attempt to expand outside of its traditional base.  The Rugby World Cup will be headed to Japan in the not-too-near future of 2019.  I was fortunate enough to be in Australia in 2000 for the blood bath/rivalry that is New Zealand's All Blacks against Australia's Wallabies.  The country came to a standstill and unified a country.  I don't see how a sport that does that, along with just being awesome, growing, is a bad thing.

Will Sheridan Is Out Of The Closet

 
Dana O'Neil wrote a great piece today on former Villanova star Will Sheridan coming out.  To some it may be a huge shock, and to others, not so much.  During my time in college I worked in college athletics.  Some of my friends who worked for Villanova not only knew about it but also said the team did and effectively didn't give a shit.  Maybe it is a small blow to homophobia in sports, but it is a blow none the less.  Pun not intended.

Chad Ochocinco Gets Off In Less Than Two Seconds

Chad Ochocinco, he of football and football fame, rode a bull for charity over the weekend.  He was bucked off in less than two seconds, probably due to his giant, charitable testicles getting in the way.  Good for you, Chad.

On Rick Welts, America

A Small Disclaimer: This article is the work of only one of the authors of this blog and reflects only his opinion.

Over the weekend Rick Welts, the CEO and president of the Phoenix Suns announced he is gay. Based on some of the quotes being reported in articles about the story, specifically those from NBA Commissioner David Stern and Phoenix Suns head coach Alvin Gentry, the news is not all shocking to them. But in the world of sports, where toughness and masculinity are traits that are exalted, Welts’s coming out is big news. The fact that it is a headline speaks volumes to where we really are as a society and where we place those who consider themselves queer within it. As a country, we are still relatively close to an era of legalized discrimination against blacks. Women do not receive pay that is equal to their male counterparts. As a country we are not as progressive as we think; the sports world even less so. There are cultural stigmas that come with being gay: men that are homosexual are not “real men” a virtual death sentence in sports; the word lesbians often projects images of butch women, complete with flannel shirts and jeans. It is these stereotypes that make Welts’s coming out news because he is a powerful player in basketball that has not had a prominent face for homosexuality in the sport. (I say that with no disrespect to John Amaechi, a brave and admirable man.) It is a hope of mine that within my lifetime being gay or straight is not a headline but rather a non-starter. A world where the sexuality of a player/coach/manager is a piece of throwaway information will require work by people across all strata of the country to tear down barriers and build up knowledge and acceptance of homosexuality. I believe that such a place is a very real possibility, but it will take time. Until then, those of us who hold nothing but love and support for our queer brothers and sisters have to speak with one eye on a hopeful future and the other eye on a less accepting present. David Stern may have expressed this sentiment best, "What I didn't say at the time was: I think there's a good chance the world will find this unremarkable. I don't know if I was confusing my thoughts with my hopes."

Player Wives

Come on down, Diana Roberts!

Brian, buddy, I envy you and your smokeshow of a wife. I feel as if everyone that plays for the O's should be entitled to a wife like this, you know, with all the losing and playing in Yankee Stadium South when the Evil Empire is in town. It should be that when you sign a contract with the O's it's BAM! Hot wife!

I should be an GM. I'd be giving out so many contract wives I could keep the mail order Russian bride business flourishing for decades. And winning? That is all we'd do.

Papelbon Adjusts His Papelboner

 

Here is Red Sox closer Jonathan Papelbon adjusting himself before coming into a 7-5 Red Sex victory against the Yankees.  The win gave the Red Sex their first sweep of three or more games in the slums of New York since 2004.

Dunx!

Taj Gibson played the Peter North to Dwayne Wade's various "aspiring actresses" tonight, then followed it up with a put back that made Derrick Rose lose his shit. The victorious Oklahoma City Thunder also had their own dunk that more or less proved what kind of night they were having. (Hint: It was a good night.)

DWade Becomes A Poster

Taj Makes DRose Squeal With Delight

It Was A Good Night To Be On OKC

(The video is at the :45 mark. We'll keep looking for the highlight by itself.)

Taking The Tramp Stamp To A New Level

We all know and love tramp stamps.  Those lovable cum bullseyes have for decades been allowing us to pass quick, often accurate, judgement about the piece of trash sporting them.  But leave it to the English to make things a little awkward in the room.  A 21 year old soccer fan in England, a little-too-serious one at that, is planning her fifth tattoo in support of her club, Stoke City.  Don't worry, we don't know where the hell that is either.  Now, team tattoos are nothing new, but look at some of the one she has now, and the one she is planning on getting:

-The clubs initials and when it was promoted to the English Premier League.
-The name of a club defender.
-The jersey of the club.
-And the pièce de résistance: a tattoo "in the shape of a wedding garter on her thigh, to read: 'Still loyal, still proud, still Stoke.'"

Something tells me it will be a long time before she wears a real wedding garter.

Finally! Something For White People!

Absolutsly love this. "Movin' like Bernie" may be the best thing to happen to white people since Wayne Brady became our black friend, making us racially sensitive. The dance is great: move your head back and flail your arms. Hell, even I can do that.

Eyeopener - Genuflect At The Feet Of The Dunx God

Before we get going on this, let us all take a moment to bow our heads and pray to the Dunx God Taj Gibson.  The man turned us all into in to giggling schoolgirls with his two monster throw downs.  We don’t want to anger him.

-Apparently the Bulls sweeping the Heat 3-0 during the regular season wasn’t just an aberration.  After playing two quarters of nip and tuck hoops, the Bulls flat out took it to Miami, outscoring them 55-34 in the final half to take a 103-82 victory in game one of the Eastern Conference Finals.

-Kevin Durant had a bad start to yesterday’s deciding game seven against the Grizz.  After seeing his mother dancing in the stands between the first and second quarters, the two time defending scoring champ went off, eventually dropping in 39 points.  The Thunder won 105-90, sending the franchise to their first Western Conference Finals since 1996 when Detlef Schrempf and Hersey Hawkins let them to the NBA Finals.  Also of note, Russell Westbrook had a triple-double which is apparently a big deal in game sevens.  Who knew?

-Brooms out!  The Sawx swept the Yankees in the Bronx for the first time in over seven years when playing a series longer than two games.  .500 is now where Boston sits after a dismal start, while the Yankees are going down faster than a sorority sister, dropping 8 out of their last 11.  The deciding run came after Alex Rodriguez let an easy groundball coast under between his legs in the 8^th inning which gave Boston a 6-4 advantage.

-Speaking of New York, Jorge Posada apologized for his actions the day after he asked out of the lineup following a demotion to the pitcher’s spot nine hole.  He said his actions came out of frustration, understandable when you’re hitting a robust .165.

-Oh, Canada!  Jose Bautista cranked three roundtrippers as the Blue Jays took the struggling Twins to the woodshed, 11-3.  The Toronto slugger drove in four runs as the Blue Jays also hit the .500 mark.  Is the AL East that good where everyone beats everyone?  Or is the division just overrated?

-Two goals in the third period helped lift the Vancouver Canucks over the San Jose Sharks in game one of the Western Conference Finals.  The win will help soothe the souls of fans north of the border following the Grizzlies’ loss.

-Ballsy.  That is how you would describe Matt Kenseth’s call to take only two tires on the final pit stop.  Smart is another word.  Kenseth led the last 32 laps to take the checkered flag before anyone else at yesterday’s FedEx 400 in Dover, Delaware.  With the points system in place, the win all but assures Kenseth a spot in the Chase for the Cup.

-Charles Oakley, the man who protected Michael Jordan and still scares the living shit out of everyone, is suing the MGM Resort in Sin City after apparently being beaten by security.  If true, this jars a lot of childhood memories.

Some Tidying Up

We're sorry about older posts being brought to the top.  After Blogger experienced problems last week, a lot of our post tags became corrupt.  We went through and edited them to be correct, but that unfortunately brought them up top.

That aside, expect big things this morning.  We'll have our Eyeopener up around 9, followed by a Player Wives, and an opinion piece on Phoenix Suns president Rick Welts announcing he is gay.

Rise and grind, y'all.

"He's got a suntan. That's all."

Bernard Hopkins has a potential record-setting fight coming up in just over a week but that's not why he's making news today.  Hopkins called out NFL quarterback Donovan McNabb's "blackness", going as far as likening him to a slave that was,  "...the guy in the house, while everybody else is on the field. He's the one who got the extra coat. The extra servings. 'You're our boy,"'   McNabb's publicist, Rich Burg, said the quarterback would have no comment, presumably because he is playing polo at the country club.

Packers To Retire Favre's Number (Eventually)

Team president Mark Murphy of the Green Bay Packers, currently on his sixth annual Tailgate Tour, confirmed that eventually the Pack will retire Brett Favre's famed number 4.  The news was received with a round of applause, dampened only by the uncertainty of the National Gallery accepting Favre's best dong shots as part of a new exhibit involving digital meeting.

Ike Davis To DL, Fernando Martinez Up

Ike Davis, he of the infield fender bender with David Wright is headed to the 15 day DL, retroactive to May 11, after suffering what is now being called a sprained left ankle/bone bruise by the Mets.  Davis had been a bright spot in the Mets' lineup, hitting .302 with 7 dingers and and 25 RBIs.  Up in his stead will be Fernando Martinez who has a career .174 batting average in his 36 game big league career.  Martinez, who will be sporting the number 26 on his uniform, was hitting .292 with 3 homers and 7 RBIs in AAA Buffalo.

Defining Offensive Impotence - Calling For Bats At 24-12

Before I slice and dice a few of the regulars that have helped the Philadelphia Phillies to a MLB best 24-12 record out of the gate, I would like to say that in two weeks this article will be virtually meaningless.  I say this because the Phillies lineup will look vastly different than the one Uncle Charlie has been forced to throw out there the last month.  Chase Utley will be manning his usual 3^rd spot in the order, and the not-so-slender Panamanian Carlos Ruiz will be back behind the plate and presumably batting 8^th.  Also, the phenom Domonic Brown will be brought up to take over for Ben Francisco, who has become this year’s version to Pedro Cerrano when facing a curveball. (Unfortunately, Jaboo has not made an appearance in South Philly just yet). 
That being said, the 5 through 8 hitters in the Phillies lineup this year has been a disaster.
You’ve read the book “Who’s on First?”; this year’s Phillies are writing, “Why the fuck can’t our 5 hole hitter bat over .220?”

Ben Francisco, thrust into 5^th hole after spending the last two years polishing Jayson Werth’s bat (both of them) in the dugout, started off the campaign unbelievably hot.  Then we realized the maybe Houston and Mets pitching is not an accurate snapshot of the National League.  Since the first week of the season Ben’s stat line is such:

R     HR    RBI     SB     BB       TB      AVG       OPS

5

2

11

1

13

25

.195

.635

Yeah, he’s the protection Ryan Howard needs.

The second of the Phillies 5-6 Blackhole Bash Brothers is Rauuuuuuuuuuul Ibanez.   Now it’s a lot harder to hate on Raul, because he’s such a stand up guy and a workout warrior.  His struggles are truly age related (I’m looking at you too, Derek Jeter).  Raul has currently been on a “hot” steak the past week, raising his BA to a not-so-laughable .232 since bottoming out at .154 which was at the point he was in a very laughable (and cry-able) 0-34 slump.  To put into context a 0-34… Check that it’s nearly impossible to go for 0-34.  We’ll leave it at that. 

Sadly this is not that least productive spots in the lineup.  The 2B and C positions that currently fill the 7-8 spots in the lineup have been all-time embarrassing.  Thanks to the Phillies Zone blog for putting this in context:  “Entering Wednesday's game, Phillies pitchers had a better OPS (.554) than hitters from the eight spot (.504). Phillies second basemen (.557) and catchers (.574) each have the worst OPS in the league at their respective positions.” 

That’s right.  Statistically speaking Cole Hamels should be batting 7^th against the Braves on Friday night.  I could even argue that batting Cole 5^th really wouldn’t change much. 

Like I said, in two weeks this should all be long gone and a fresh new lineup will be filled out by Uncle Charlie.  However, if Utley’s knee falls back apart and D. Brown plays like his hitless spring training self, then maybe I’ll be sounding the alarms at a 50-30 record. 

And that’s the view atop the National League East.

That Guy! Goes On Twitter

Looking to stay in touch with That Guy! on the go?  Follow our Twitter @that_guy_sports and be notified, along with our other five followers, when something new gets posted.  Also, you can help spread the word by retweeting us.

Eyeopener - While My LeBron Gently Weeps

-LeBron scored Miami’s final ten points as the Heat knocked of the aging Celtics 97-87 in Game 5 of the Eastern Conference semis.  Don’t tell the Heat though, who celebrated as if they had just won the Larry O’Brien Trophy.

-In a series that has featured close games and back to back games with late blown leads, the SuperSonics Thunder beat Memphis 99-72 to take a 3-2 series lead.  Game 6 is Friday night but it is to be seen if the teams will be arriving to the FedEx Forum via boat or bus.

-Eric Hosmer homered (get used to that) in a 4-3 win in extras last night to beat the Yankees in the Bronx despite being out hit 4 to 12.  At least they made each hit worthwhile.

-David Price went 8 innings strong, the first four perfect, as the Rays snapped the Tribe’s 14 game home winning streak, 8-2. 

-Apparently feeling sorry for the offensively impotent (oh, grow up) White Sox, Kevin Jepsen sailed an intentional ball over Hank Conger’s head allowing Alexei Ramirez score giving the Sox the lead and the win in 10.  Paul Konerko made a ridiculous play at first to seal the game which we would show if Bud Selig didn’t hate the fans/technology.  Mark Buehrle didn’t notice.

-The Fightin’ Friars of San Diego used up their May ration of hits after scoring 13 runs on 23 hits in a 13-6 win over Milwaukee.  Opposing pictures can now prepare for the career best starts until June 1.

-The Phillies apparently hate Cliff Lee.  It’s been 27 innings and counting since the Phils scored a run with Lee on the mound.  Despite that they managed a 5-3 victory over the Marlins in ProPlayerDolphinsSunLifeLandshark Stadium after scoring 2 runs in the ninth to break a 3 all tie.

-Kendrys Morales is going on his usual spring to fall vacation as he is out for the year after opting for surgery on his left ankle.

-“Gentle giant”/former Michigan star/marginal NBA basketball player Robert “Tractor” Traylor was found died yesterday of an apparent heart attack at aged 34.  He has been playing basketball in Puerto Rico after a 438 game NBA career.

-UMinnesota men’s basketball coach Tubby Smith announces he has prostate cancer.  Good luck to him in his fight to beat the cruelest of diseases. 

-The Fiesta Bowl will keep its BCS status but must pay a fine of $1 million.  The hookers and drug dealers of the greater Phoenix-Glendale region must now find a new source of income.

-Yesterday was nap day in the NHL with no games being played.  No one noticed.

Tiger Withdraws From Players, Cites Sore Hands From Sexting

Tiger Woods has withdrawn from the Players Championship after shooting a six over 42 on the front nine at TPC Sawgrass.  Woods has been battling recent knee and leg injuries.  Despite his off-course troubles, a healthy Woods is good for golf.  Any Sunday that does not feature him in the hunt, or a green jacket at a discriminatory course, is bound to see lower ratings than Tour officials would like.

Mets To Make Up Game In Denver, Tens Will Attend

Remember, folks.  The Amazings make up their game with the Rox today at 3:10. Niese gets the nod for the Mets and Ike will sit this one out.

Quote Of The day

Ted Williams, when taking BP, used to scream out, "I'm Ted Fucking Williams and I'm the greatest hitter in baseball!"  I wonder if the Mets can try it.  "I'm Willie Fucking Harris and I'm..."  No, doesn't have the same ring. Oh, well.

Liquor Store Regular

No, this man is not wearing the latest fashionable scarf Tom Brady was seen sporting over the weekend. Instead he is carrying his pet ferret on his shoulder. The same one he let run on the counter. The only question remaining is if it is the regular or the ferret that smells like a wet dog.

First Pitch, Kickoff, Whatever You Want To Call It

So it begins- the culmination of minutes of work goes live.  Here you will find the ramblings of five guys, all in their 20s, all with hopes and dreams that will never be realized, and all with a few extra minutes to try and entertain our handful of readers.  You won't find anything groundbreaking, or anything that funny, but what you will find are a lot of grammatical mistakes, homerism, and pictures of funny people and things.  I'm sure over time you will learn to figure out who wrote which post but for now we'll remain nameless and faceless.  Until then there is a lot to look forward to.  You'll find rantings about our favorite teams and sports, hatred and disgust towards our enemies (New York blows), and lots of meaningless words.  You'll also see get on a semi-regular basis:

-Riders Of The 7 Train
-Embarrassing Story Of The Week every Wednesday
-The Eyeopener every weekday morning-ish
-Liquor Store Regulars
-And maybe a real interview if some team is dumb enough to give us a media credential/one of us corners Mark Buehrle in a dark alley

Until then just stick with us as we hobble around like a Marshall-era Byron Leftwich until our young creative legs get under us.

Pigeon

Gotta love the port authority. That is a one footed pigeon....