Endtimes Plans In Advance

Apparently those in the know say the world is coming to an end this Saturday, which is kind of good timing since my student loan payments are due next week. They've been spreading their knowledge however they can: RV signs, billboards, harassing drunk pirates. Now they're making the one part of our day that we thought couldn't be any more miserable worse than it is- the morning commute. A reader sent us in this picture while riding the New York City intratubes. Our advice? Max out your credit cards and go fucking nuts before we all get swept off this hellhole. Then get ready to work overtime next week to start paying it off.

"He's got a suntan. That's all."

Bernard Hopkins has a potential record-setting fight coming up in just over a week but that's not why he's making news today.  Hopkins called out NFL quarterback Donovan McNabb's "blackness", going as far as likening him to a slave that was,  "...the guy in the house, while everybody else is on the field. He's the one who got the extra coat. The extra servings. 'You're our boy,"'   McNabb's publicist, Rich Burg, said the quarterback would have no comment, presumably because he is playing polo at the country club.