Liquor Store Regular

You have recently switched from a "six of that tea that I drink" (Mike's Hard Tea, the manliest of malt beverages) and moved to a two six packs of Coors Light nips a night. I still can't tell if this a positive or not. What I can tell you is that your pierced chin/lip area is disgusting, as is the shitty soulpatch you have growing around it. Did I mention I dislike you and shake up your beer every chance I get?

Liquor Store Regular

No, this man is not wearing the latest fashionable scarf Tom Brady was seen sporting over the weekend. Instead he is carrying his pet ferret on his shoulder. The same one he let run on the counter. The only question remaining is if it is the regular or the ferret that smells like a wet dog.

Liquor Store Regular

I see you, sir.  Glaring at me, under your hat and in a fog of Natural Light and Bacardi Grand Melon from your earlier visit today.  And I think you know I'm judging you and your bulbous red nose.  But alas we need one another.  Without you and people like you my job would not exist.  And without me your crippling addiction could not be fed.  So until next time, when your rusted van rolls into our parking lot, adieu.