Quote Of The Day

Ah, fuck it.  We're piling on today!

"In this fall I'm going to take my talents to South Beach and join the Miami Heat."

Enjoy your summer, BJ!

Player Wives

Come on down, Ingrid Gordon!

When Jeff Gordon isn't riding around in a car at 200 MPH he gets to ride Ingrid, his Belgian supermodel of a wife.  Jeff is currently listed at a generous 5'7".  His wife?  5'9".  However Jeff does is much larger in one area... his checking account.  His career winnings on NASCAR's top circuit?  118,469,869.  That doesn't include sponsorship money or earnings from other racing circuits.  Good for you, little man!

Eyeopener - We Can All Finally Celebrate

-What was stunning in watching the Dallas Mavericks 105-95 NBA Championship clinching victory in game six wasn't that Dallas proved they were better.  What was amazing to see was how mentally and emotionally dead Miami looked in the last few minutes.  The margin was large but not insurmountable yet the Heat looked as if they had stopped playing and stopped coaching.  Fantastic.  Oh.  LBJ is a dick.

-Dirk Nowitzki was the Finals MVP.  No surprise there.  What was a surprise, or at least a departure from what we've come to expect, was Dirk's reaction at the end of the game.  He ran off the court with time left on the clock and into the locker room, understandably overcome with emotion and keeping with his modest and humble image.  I like him.

-It's a big fall from story one to story two in sports.  Jeff Gordon netted his fifth career win at Pocono yesterday.  It was win number 84 in his career, moving him into a three way tie for third all time.  With Carl Edwards finishing 37th the standings became very, very crowded at the top.

-The baseball map has a chance of becoming very different shortly.  What I like about the proposals is the best five teams from each league would make the playoffs instead of current system of three division leaders and two wild cards.

-Stupid offense.  Francisco Liriano (he plays for the Minnesota Twins if you didn't know) was six outs away from no-no number two of the season.  Then the Twinkies offense erupted for five runs against the Texas Rangers pitching staff keeping Liriano sidelined for a half hour.  You can guess what happened next, both in terms of this no-no and the final score.

-The Red Sox have won nine straight and scored 376 runs during that stretch.  (Note: all figures are approximate.)  Yesterday they hung two touchdowns with the extra points on the Toronto Blue Jays for a 14-1 win.

-The San Diego Padres and Washington Nationals recorded 54 combined outs before a run was scored.  The Nats got two in the top of the ninth and that would be the ballgame.

-I really dislike the Empire and their overrated shortstop.

-Mike Tyson, Julio Cesar Chavez, and Sly Stallone were all introduced into the Boxing Hall of Fame yesterday.  Tim Dahlberg wrote a nice piece for USA Today touching on how lucky we are to have Tyson alive and very well and he's right.  The world is a good place with a healthy and happy Tyson in it.

More Tits In Vancouver!

The Hockey New's John Grigg (@THNJohnGrigg) posted this picture on Twitter today.  Apparently the women of British Columbia show their fan support by showing their breasts sans support.  We here support that.

Song For The Weekend

Here's your song for the weekend, a little upbeat number to carry you through what we're all hoping is a great weekend for you, our faithful (we hope!) reader.  It's Passion Pit, a super smart band you really need to be listening to.

Quote Of The Day

Today's quote is from the week's hot topic, Anthony Weiner's weiner.  The quote is from the congressman himself, taken from a sexually charged Facebook chat with a Las Vegas blackjack dealer.  The entire quote is (sic).  Enjoy!

"you will surely make noise when I take you deep. i will tell you how tight your p**** feels"

Player Wives

Come on down, Vanessa Bryant!
Kobe cheated on you which has to suck. But look the ring you got out of it! Holy moley! I'm sure deep down, knowing how envious every single woman on earth is of that thing must make you feel good about yourself. Sure he has bajillions of dollars and may or may not have raped someone but... THE RING! Good for you, you smokeshow of a gal.

Google Honors Les Paul In The Coolest Way Possible

Google is honoring guitar pioneer Les Paul for one more day.  Yesterday, June 9, would have been Paul's 96th birthday.  To honor him, the Google Doddle was turned into a playable, recordable Les Paul guitar.  Due to popular demand, Google has kept it up for another day.  Already people are doing some amazing thing with it.

So I urge you to go Google and play away using either your mouse or your keyboard to "pluck".  In fact, we even recorded a little melody just for you.  Just click here.

Eyeopener - Have You Seen This Boy?

-Before I rip into LeBron, lets give credit where it belongs.  Dirk, Jet, and co. flat out beat Miami last night.  They didn't get lucky, they didn't get bailed out by the refs, they just beat Miami.  They are the better and I really enjoy watching them play basketball.  Their 112-103 victory has them 48 minutes away from lifting the Larry O'Brien as champions of the NBA.

-LeBron knows this isn't hockey and they play four periods and not three, right?  Yes, BronBron had a triple-double and his overall numbers were good.  Good isn't good enough.  He needs to be great, and I don't think he has it in him.  For the second straight game he shrank when it mattered most, scoring only two points in the last quarter.  And those came with less than 30 seconds left.  Miami is slowly turning on him as the begin to see what he really is, a phenomenal boy of an athlete, not a man.

-Apparently Bill Stewart may not have to coach a season with a coach in waiting.  Reports out of the backwoods of America (you'll understand the dislike of this place shortly) seem to be pointing to Stewart being out of a job as soon as this weekend.

-Hey, Kenny Britt?  Stop being a fucking asshole.  You're making our alma mater look bad, not yours.  Every single person who writes for this site has a Rutgers diploma hanging on a wall (or stuffed in a drawer) while you don't.  What do you have instead?  A multi-million dollar contract and the potential to be one of the best receivers in the NFL.  Stop fucking up and listen to Derrick Mason when he says to get out of New Jersey.

-Bob Geren is out as the managers of the Oakland A's, the first A's manager to be ousted mid-season in over 25 years.  Bob Melvin is not the interim manager further proving there are approximately 45 managers in baseball and clubs just recycle the constantly.  If you follow the link there is a great little side anecdote about Mike Sweeney giving a speech in which he is essential Randall Patrick McMurphy and Geren is Nurse Ratched.

-Rain delayed the start of the Yankees-Red Sox game last night by 3 hours and 27 minutes.  First pitch was at 10:32 PM and last out was recorded at 1:43 AM.  In between there a game was played, some players were plunked, a Yankees lead was established, a seven run Red Sox happened, and the Sox swept the Empire.

-The Phillies couldn't hold a lead last night in the ninth and and it ended up costing them in the eleventh.  Tyler Colvin scored the go ahead run on a Placido Polanco throwing error as the Baby Bears won 4-3.  It's the eighth time in nine games the Phils have scored three or fewer runs.

-Well that was fun while it lasted, Pittsburgh.

-Can a brother get some run support?  Madison Bumgarner is 2-8... with a 3.23 ERA!  He picked up loss eight on the year last night, dropping a 3-0 decision.

-Tacos AND wins in Denver!

-Roberto Luongo will be back between the pipes tonight for the Canucks.  The bigger question is will he be there at the end of the third period or will the Bruins chase him once more.

-Ay, caramba!  Five players on the Mexican national soccer team were banned for using the PED last year's Tour de France champion Alberto Contador was found to be using.

Embrassing Story Wednesday

It's a day late but whatever.  This story is an old one, a time where I had no facial hair and still hadn't touched my first boob yet.  It was July 2000, I was 12, and I was in Australia as part of a three week exchange program.  This incident took place on our second full day Down Under (sorry, I had to work it in):

Our group consisted of 40 students, four chaperones/teachers, our tour guide Melissa, and our bus driver Graham.  We started on the northeast coast in Cairns, home to rainforests and the Great Barrier Reef.  While showering for dinner on our second night I swore I heard someone knock on my door.  I threw on a towel and and I opened the door only to find no one.  Thinking maybe someone need something, clothes, toothpaste, etc. I stepped completely out of my room and into the hall.  Now, it wasn't really a hall, more of a passage way.  Being in the tropics the rooms all opened onto an open air passage, sort of like how malls in nice weather cities are built.  (Here's a link to the resort since I'm doing a shitty job describing it.)  Anyway, I turn to go back into my room the door won't budge.  It had locked behind me.  I was stuck in only a towel, dripping wet and visible to pretty much anyone who walked by and looked up.  I immediately become frantic (this experience would help me to prepare for college, a time in your life when being without most of your clothes in public is called Friday).  By chance a girl who was staying across the hall-thing from us comes out to head to dinner only to find a mostly naked, soaking me standing there.  She clearly does not know what to make of this.  I asked to go get our head chaperone, a fierce little lady, which she does in a hurry.  In what probably three minutes but felt like three hours our chaperone shows up to let me in, reading me the riot act on how I'm embarrassing myself, our group, and by proxy our country.  Remember, this was pre-GWBush so I really was embarrassing the US.  She let me in and I dressed in a matter of seconds.  As we walk in to eat I was met with a round of applause from my groupmates and chaperones.

Rangers Draft Paralyzed Player (Did It Just Get Dusty In Here?)

The Texas Rangers, reigning AL Champions made us choke up yesterday and not because they were teaching us how to hold a bat or eliminate our team from the playoffs.  No, instead they made us get emotional after drafting Jonathon Taylor in the 33rd round of yesterday's amateur baseball draft.  This wouldn't be anything special, Taylor is a .320 hitter with a set of wheels, someone who can cash checks of varying amounts by playing baseball, if Taylor wasn't paralyzed.  Taylor, or JT as his friends have creatively nicknamed him, was paralyzed on March 6 of this year after an outfield collision with teammate Zach Cone, the 37th pick in this year's draft, also by the Rangers.  Taylor is currently paralyzed from the waist down but is showing signs of improvement and I'm sure his spirits received a huge boost once he received word of his being drafted. 

Player Wives

Come on down, Gena Lee Nolin!

When we do the Player Wives posts, one of us emails me to get it all pretty and posted.  Usually the subject on the email is something pretty straight forward, the player's name, the wife's name, etc.  No, not today, not for this one.  This is subject on today's email, spelling and grammar just as it came to me in my GMail: "Who the fuck is cale hulse".  Apparently Cale Hulse made his living playing hockey for 15 years.  Also, he is nailing this piece of ass:

Sweet Jebus!  Sports are amazing.  Cale Hulse was a defenseman who I remember only because of NHL 2002 on the PC.  He carved a career as a third pairing guy and he gets to sleep with her nightly.  Only in the world of professional sports can someone mediocre get a Gena Lee Nolin.  Let me know when your best college professor rolls in with a piece of arm candy like that, I know none of mine did.

Quote Of The Day

Usually for the quote of the day we turn to words that ring through the annals (ha) of history.  Not so for today's offering.  Last night Charlie Manuel, the manager of the Phillies who perpetually looks like he is about to fall asleep on the bench, professed his love for Cole Hamels.  Whether that love was for the pitcher or the man is still unclear.  (Note: We got the quote from the Twitter of Philadelphia Inquirer staff writer Matt Gelb.  Matt is an absolute must follow if you care about Philadelphia baseball or just good sports writing in general.  Find him on Twitter: @magelb)

A Little Midweek Stimulation

Rise and grind, motherfuckers.

So it's a day late but when you're pulling your ass through the doldrums of the work week does it even matter?  Aren't the days just one shit smear from Monday to Friday?  I can see you nodding in agreement.  So lets do this, a little something to get you motivated enough to ask the cute girl down the hall out for drinks.  Or at least sneak an extra few seconds of creepy leering as she walks by.  Lessssgoooo.

Eyeopener - Nearly Killing Nathan Horton Seems Like A Bad Idea In Retrospect

Fuck word limits in titles.  Our blog, our unwieldy titles.

-Since Nathan Horton was nearly killed by Aaron Rome, the Bruins have outscored the Canucks 12-1 and tied the Stanley Cup Finals at two games apiece.  Seemingly besides cleaning Horton's clock, Rome seems to have cleaned the cobwebs up and kick started their offense into something fierce.  The B's took down Vancouver 4-0 in game four last night officially transforming from a potential whitewashing into a best of three shootout.   Already people north of the bordering are questioning if Bob Luongo (when you get shelled like he has been, you lose full name privileges) should start game five while the name Timothy, or variations thereof, will likely be the number one time in the greater Boston area this year.

-Speaking of Canada, Terrelle Pryor should make sure his passport is valid.  The Saskatchewan Roughriders acquired the rights yesterday to negotiate with the former Buckeye signal caller.  Pryor, who you should know by now left tOSU after a shitstorm of epic proportion that culminated in the accusation he made 20-40k selling his Herbie Hancock, is now a free agent of sorts and already people are speculating what's next.  Some are speculating Pryor could spend a season in the UFL, others are pondering already how TP could excel on their NFL squad of interest, and yet others are saying he won't be a solid fit on the 'Riders.

-So much for that infamous slow start.  The Red Sox are back on top of the AL East after their second straight whooping of the Empire.  I know New York had a solid west coast swing but I just have this feeling (that very well may be all bias) that these two teams are trending in very different directions.

-Buccos!  The Pirates are playing .500 ball!  At 30-30 this is the latest the Pirates have been at or above the break even mark since 2005.  The win came in the 12th inning on a Andrew McCutchen walk-off blast that sent the Pirates into a frenzy and DBacks to the showers.

-The Rockies won a series.  To say I'm elated would be an understatement.

-Cole Hamels was dominant, and he needed to be.  It's never good when the article starts with, "As he began the first home run trot for a Phillies hitter in eight days..."  What is good is when you beat the LA Dodgers 2-0 like the Phillies did last night.

-I am starting to really like DeShawn Stevenson and the way he (accurately) keeps talking shit about LeBron in the media.

Things Will Be Back To Normal

Don't worry everyone.  We didn't give up on the site, not by a long shot.  Sometimes life gets in the way and your employer won't let you take some time off to write about hot player wives or 19 year old college athletes.  Everything is a go for tomorrow including a belated Midweek Stimulation, Eyeopener, etc.

We hope you still love us.

Quote Of The Day

Dirk Nowitzki last night helped carry the Mavericks to a game four win, knotting the NBA Finals at 2-2.  The performance was reminiscent of some guy name Michael fighting somethin' nasty in game five of the 1998 NBA Fianls when he scored 38 points, grabbed seven boards, and added three swipes.  With that in mind, we turn to MJ for our quote, this one from a less than stellar night for Air Jordan, the night of his Hall of Fame induction:

"Tex reminded me that there's no 'I' in 'team".  And I looked back at Tex, I said, 'There's 'I' in win."

Player Wives - Widow Edition!

Come on down, Melissa Lima!

We're sorry your husband Jose died.  He was loved by all of us, someone who may have worn every jersey in the majors and always gave it his all.  That said, if you ever get lonely and need someone to keep you company through those long and lonely nights, I'm your guy.

How Much Bling On Your Ring?

Deadspin linked today to a piece on Hoopism where every NBA Championship ring is shown by team.  It's incredible to see how they went from incredibly simple to works of art starting in the 1980s.  The Lakers' 1987 ring is the first to really be iced out but what is also of note is how the following ring war was waged.  (Say that five times fast.)

1981: The Boston Celtics add green around their singular diamond, the first team in history to do so.

1982: The Los Angeles Lakers add purple around their diamond to keep up with their rivals in Beantown.

1983: The Philadelphia 76ers add red just to fit in with the kids at the lunch table.

1984: The Celtics say fuck this and add a shamrock around their diamond, daring the next team to do the same.

1985: The Lakers, lacking shamrocks in their team logo, use the Larry O'Brien trophy on their rings.

1986: The Celtics play the shamrock card once again, this time adding the O'Brien trophy to the ring with a shamrock in the background.

1987: The Lakers use five diamonds representing their five NBA Championships since moving to Los Angeles then follow that with a singular diamond surrounded by a purple field with a perimeter of diamonds, essentially the "I have infinity plus one!" argument of NBA Championship rings.

Quote Of The Day

 As a kid there was one person above all in my house.  A man who could perform miracles, turn something into nothing, make you appreciate what you were feeling and seeing.  That man was Joe Montana.

I still revere him to this day even after finding out he played college football at the epicenter of everything dark and evil in the world. Today's quote of the day comes from Joe Cool himself.  Trailing in the fourth quarter of the Super Bowl with 200 ticks on the clock left, Montana turned to Harris Barton and gave him words of inspiration:

"There, in the stands, standing near the exit ramp.  Isn't that John Candy?"